I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
