White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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