whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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