I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
