if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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