My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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