You were right. It hurts to walk today.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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