i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
