The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
These tits shall not be calmed
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
