Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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