i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
