last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
