I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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