just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
