I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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