fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
