real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Randomize
