Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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