Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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