She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
