Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
