I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
nutella sex= disaster
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
