Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
