It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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