his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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