I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
