I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
