call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
