I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
