A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
