just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Please, let me fuck your mom
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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