Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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