if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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