Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
