told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
