I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
