im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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