Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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