DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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