I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize