I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
