i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
