Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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