i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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