By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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