Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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