Christians are straight up FREAKS
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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