the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
