I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
