doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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