You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
