T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He literally asked permission to hit on me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
