yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
