The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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