Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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