It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
