I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
