It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
