The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize