id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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