Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
