dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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