don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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