Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
