He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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