2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
