I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
