Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
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