how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
