Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
