i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
