He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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