Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
