fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
