Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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