if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
