Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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