I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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