who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
