Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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