I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
