Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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