I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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